II: Standard's Nasty Nine

9. SKRED

Why it's good: Skred is the least frightening of the "nasty nine" but it's certainly worth mentioning. Very few creatures are safe with Skred around, regardless of their toughness. Red now has one spell that rivals black's creature killing ability, at a cost that simply can't be beat. The real life cost, however, is more noteworthy: Skred requires a full compliment of snow-covered lands to maximize its potency.

How to beat it:

• Protection from red. Simple answer. Not too much of that right now, unfortunately, in Standard Pauper.
  
• Untouchables. Somebody call Silhana Ledgewalker.
  
• Regeneration. Again, an ability scarcely seen at common.
  
• Recursive creatures. As good as Skred may be, it can't stop Shambling Shell, or Stinkweed Imp, or Greater Mossdog, or Golgari Brownscale, or anything in a Grim Harvest's path.
  
• With Skred and other efficient removal around, the appeal of untouchable creatures like Guardian of the Guildpact, Shambling Shell, and Silhana Ledgewalker becomes even greater, pushing Paupers toward green and white. And as good as Skred is, it can't deal with the threat posed by Stinkweed Imp and Blind Hunter, either. I therefore believe that while Skred is a powerful tool for red mages, it may be more of a curse that confirms and perhaps even strengthens the hegemony of the nasty nine.

8. SILHANA LEDGEWALKER

Why it's good: A little evasive one-sided untouchable. She doesn't bring many teeth with her to the party, but she's a nice target for all those combo-riffic auras you've wanted to try but knew the creature wearing them would get nuked (Ocular Halo). She's also a great target for Shambling Shell counters. Her symbiosis with said zombie plant has skyrocketed her lethality into the upper echelons and secured her a place on this list.

How to beat it:

• Stinkweed Imp. It flies and it kills what it hurts. Beware the first-striking Ledgewalker, though!
  
• Drift of Phantasms. Or any flying wall, really, but the Drift of Phantasms came to mind first.
  
• Pegasus Charger. Or other flying, first striking blockers. Once the Ledgewalker is out of the way, you may commence the beatdown.

7. STINKWEED "Stinky" IMP

Why it's good: Stinky is essentially creature removal on wings. He's light on overall power but big on presence and persistence. He'll thin out the enemy air force so your ground pounders can get the job done. He's also particularly good against Ledgewalker.

How to beat it:

• Graveyard hosing. Stinky has dredge 5, so your opponent may be more than happy to recall the Imp when the skies look bad. Final answers there are few, but Cremate or Shred Memory (or even Martyr of Bones) can ice Stinky for good.
  
• Pacifism variants. White has a bunch of options for holding the Stinkweed in place and rendering him ineffective. The best ones, of course, are Faith's Fetters and Pillory of the Sleepless.
  
• Castigate. Another powerful Orzhov spell. Remove the offending card from the game before it has a chance to come online.
  
• Unfortunately, burn and counterspells are short-term solutions for Stinkweed Imp. In a metagame where this card is prevalent, it pushes successful Paupers toward white or black for their answers.

6. FAITH'S FETTERS

Why it's good: Pacifism variants have never been better. This card stops everything under the sun dead in its tracks, and resolving it nets you a cool 4 life. Fetters has been a staple in control decks for its entire lifespan, not to mention a thorn in the side of red mages vying for a quick 20. It shows up in many Orzhov builds, but avails its services easily to anyone with a Plains to tap.

How to beat it:

• Sacrifice outlets. Sac the critter out from under the aura and save yourself a major headache. Black has the decided advantage in employing this strategy, with several solid outlets in Dimir House Guard, Gutless Ghoul, and Thoughtpicker Witch.
  
• Ronom Unicorn. This is an after-the-fact strategy, but it's always good when your Disenchant has a substantial body.
  
• Guardian of the Guildpact. He's pro-monocolored, which Fetters is.
  
• Azorius First-Wing. For the simple reason that this 2/2 flier has protection from enchantments.

5. PILLORY OF THE SLEEPLESS

Why it's good: This is a lethal aura. Unchecked, it will finish off your opponent. Not only does it stop most every creature out there (except #2 and #8), it slowly saps the life of that creature's controller, freeing you to play a heavy control game. As those with the lingo say, "this ends games." It necessitates playing maindeck answers to auras.

How to beat it:

• Enchantment hate. You should be running this anyway, but losing a game to Pillory will serve as a harsh reminder. Green and white have hate in spades. (Surprise surprise, green and white are good as something important in this format.)
  
• Sacrifice outlets. Here's black's answer. If one of your minions finds itself in the Pillory, just sacrifice it to a higher cause.
  
• Bounce. Blue can bounce its stuff out from under the aura, or in response to it.
  
• Counter it. This is a straightfoward option, but if a blue mage isn't packing any of these other answers, he must counter it or plan on losing the game.

4. BLIND HUNTER

Why it's good: I remember the day this card was revealed. I didn't think much of it: a 2/2 flier for 4 mana, an airborne Highway Robber. I actually thought it might have been a little overcosted. How wrong I was. Never again will I scoff at an automatic 8-point lifeswing in a format with very few answers for its haunt ability. As a red mage, I have had no end of frustrations with this little bastard, and now that Yamabushi's Flame is gone, we have even fewer answers for his dominating, game-swinging presence.

How to beat it:

• Counter it. But you better have a 2nd counterspell handy for the Grim Harvest that comes to target it.
  
• Pacifism variants. This is one of the easier ways to go, but decks with black usually have a way to sacrifice their own creatures, which triggers the Hunter's haunt ability anyway.
  
• Castigate. This spell is really an answer for most things that annoy you, but it's especially helpful against problems that aren't solved in any other way.
  
• Gain lots of life. To stay in the game after an 8-point lifeswing, it would be a great help to A.) already be winning or B.) have a way to gain tons of life.
  
• Bounce. Don't bounce the bat; bounce what he haunts. That saves you a bit of life, at least.

3. GRIM HARVEST

Why it's good: This card is the namesake of SpikeBoyM's Harvester build. It also allows black mages access to near-endless creature recursion, especially with many of the creatures who have built-in sacrifice or recursion (Shambling Shell). Few decks running Swamps don't find room for a copy or two of this potent grave-digging instant.

How to beat it:

• Shred Memory. (Or Cremate, if that's how you roll.) Black knows how to trump black. These two cards are going to be showing up a lot for a while.
  
• Castigate. Another powerful Orzhov spell. Remove the offending card from the game before it has a chance to come online.
  
• Counter it. Pretty obvious option.
  
• Force it to trigger when the opponent doesn't have enough mana to pay the recover cost. This will remove the sucker from the game, and it will be out of your hair for good. Red and black have the decided advantage in utilizing this strategy.

2. SHAMBLING SHELL

Why it's good: In terms of power-to-cost ratio, he's right on the curve. He's gold, and big enough to fell Guardian of the Guildpact. He self-sacrifices at a moment's notice, able to dodge any removal thrown at him, including Faith's Fetters and Pillory of the Sleepless. He makes his friends Silhana Ledgewalker, Stinkweed Imp, and Guardian of the Guildpact bigger. And he has built-in recursion in the form of dredge 3. If not for his slightly restrictive casting cost, this guy would be the undisputed scariest creature in Standard today.

How to beat it:

• Graveyard hosing. Big surprise, Cremate and Shred Memory (and Martyr of Bones, among a few others perhaps) can rob the grave of this annoying threat once and for all. Everybody should be playing black; I think I've established that fact in this article.
  
• Castigate. Again, one of the best ways to tackle the Shell. Castigate early, before the opponent has a chance to cast it out.
  
• First strike. This is a poor answer, because most of the time Shambling Shell comes with some friends who would be more than happy to get +1/+1 counters every turn. First strike does keep the 3/1 at bay from attacking, though. Sadly, that's just not enough.
  
• Tax activated abilities. Right now, there's nothing at common level that has this ability. But cards like Suppression Field would be a start in the war against Shambling Shell.

1. GUARDIAN OF THE GUILDPACT

Why it's good: The Guildpact must be damn safe, because this guy is a tank. Metagaming against him is crucial in the format, because if you lack multi-colored answers, you also lack a prayer. Most decks with white run this guy, at least in the sideboard. He can be augmented by Shambling Shell, ramping up his power to near-legendary status. He's just plain nasty.

How to beat it:

• Multicolored cards. Pretty obvious, really. Specifically, Shambling Shell, Centaur Safeguard, Pillory of the Sleepless, Scab-Clan Mauler, Petrahydrox, or Minister of Impediments. There are other options, but these are the ones that come immediately to mind.
  
• Artifact creatures. If only there were big, beefy artifact creatures that could block the GotG, the world would be a little safer for all.
  
• Insane recursive lifegain. If you can gain life faster than this guy can take it from you, and you have an airborne solution, you may be fine. Another option is to nullify his damage turn after turn with a spell that doesn't target him. Too bad we're losing Kami of False Hope.
  
• Race to the finish. If there's an unchecked GotG on the ground and you don't have any gold or colorless ammo, you'd better kill quicker than it kills you.
  

You may not agree with my ranking on these cards, but their comparative strength is less important than their overall strength. They truly do shape the current landscape of competitive Standard Pauper Magic.

Just in the process of writing this, I've come to a few conclusions. First of all, it seems almost essential to run black in a deck that wants to have a chance against all these recursive threats. At the very least, a deck will need to have access to one of the three "dominant" colors: white, black, and green. A good deck will need to have a way to deal with auras. It will need multicolored or colorless answers for Guardian of the Guildpact. It will need to be able to cut through recursive defenders both on the ground and in the air. Or, it will have to deny the opponent access to its key resources: dominant cards, combo pieces, or colors of mana.

There are certainly more conclusions to be drawn, but I'll leave that to you, gentle reader.

In my third and final article in this mini-series, I will take a look at Time Spiral and see what weapons it brings us to cope with these nasty nine, and whether it contributes any spells of its own to the list.